


Dad: 76

by SatsunonSavior



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: AU: kids, Babies, Comedy, Crack, Cute Kids, Dad: 76, Everyone is kids, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Gen, I've got you in my sights, School Rush, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 21:02:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7122445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatsunonSavior/pseuds/SatsunonSavior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack Morrison has fought his way through more battlefields than any man has a right to survive.<br/>He's lead everything from scared recruits to hardcore special forces.<br/>He's fought soldiers, terrorists and robots on every continent known to man.</p><p>Now all he has to do is get the kids to school on time.</p><p>...he could do with some reinforcements.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dad: 76

“Alright kids, it is seven forty-five, and you know what that means!” Jack Morrison shouted, in his best parade-ground voice, “Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall in!”

The house was a bustling den of chaos as confusing as any battlefield, but Jack strode through it without flinching, fixing a myriad of issues without seeming to break stride. Really, looking after kids was just like looking after soldiers. You just had to use a firm voice and stick to your rules.

He piled dishes from the early breakfasters into the sink, adding soap with one hand. The other reached behind him and hauled a dark-skinned boy to a halt as he slid noisily through the kitchen.

“Lucio, damn it son, no skating indoors!” he growled, lifting the boy up by his shirt collar, “And turn that damn music down!”

“Yes sir!” Lucio said weakly, and the pounding electro music lowered to a more reasonable level. Jack dropped him and moved on, interposing himself neatly between two struggling boys intent on fraternal violence.

“Genji, Hanzo! Stop fighting and eat your breakfast!”

“But dad, he poked me with a fork!”

“And what do we do when we have a problem?” Jack’s voice was tolerant but hard, like a rubber mallet.

“…come find you.” Genji said softly.

“You come find me.” Jack repeated, “Now, Hanzo- apologize to your brother.”

“ ‘m sorry.”

“What was that?”

“I said I’m sorry, dad.”

“Don’t apologize to me, apologize to him!”

“I’m sorry, Genji.”

“Good. Now eat your breakfast before it goes cold- Amelie Lacroix what do you think you’re wearing!?”

“It’s my cat-suit! I can wear whatever I like, you don’t _own_ me!” the querulous French girl declared.

“Not while you live under my roof you can’t! I don’t mind if you want to look nice, but a cat-suit is not school wear!”

“But all zhe cool girls are wearing zhem-”

“Yeah, well ‘all the cool girls’ can take a hike! School clothes for a school day, understand me? You can wear it when you go out this weekend, now go change.”

“Yes, papa.” Amelie said with a sigh, turning to trudge back upstairs. She was nearly bowled over by a sudden blue blur that sped past her and into the kitchen.

Tracer was moving fast, but not fast enough to avoid Jack’s hand as it caught her jacket, tugging her to a stumbling halt.

“Lena! No blinking in the house! I’ve told you a hundred times!”

“You wot mate!?” the girl spat back.

“Excuse me?” Jack’s voice had a dangerous edge to it.

“I mean…sorry love?” Lena said with a grin.

“Looks like someone just volunteered to do the dishes,” Jack said firmly, letting the girl go and giving her a gentle push towards the sink, where breakfast dishes formed an unstable looking pile.

“What!? But there’s- but- but dad!?” Lena spluttered.

“But nothing, Lena. Less tripe, more wipe!”

 

He strolled past her, counting heads. He spotted Bastion and Pharah through the window in the front yard, playing ‘sentry’ like they always did, and chuckled to himself as Junkrat and Roadhog leapt out at them, beginning an impromptu game of tag. His stroll carried him through the living room, where he tapped heads as he passed, ushering them towards the kitchen.

“Jesse, get going, you need to eat your breakfast!” he said gruffly.

“It’s _HIGH NOON_!” Jesse proclaimed proudly, beneath a Stetson hat that nearly covered his face.

“It’s only eight o’clock, you idiot,” Jack said fondly, shoving him towards the kitchen, “Have you been watching those damn cowboy movies again?”

He tapped two more heads.

“Zarya, Zenyatta, food is on the table, and it won’t wait for you!”

“Da, da, I know!” Zarya re-racked her weights, struggling to her feet and thumping into the kitchen in a cloud of hormones, past Zenyatta, who had been spotting for her. Jack rolled his eyes.

_Teenagers._

“I will become one with my breakfast~” Zenyatta decreed as he floated into the kitchen after her.

“Or you could just eat it!” Jack called back to him as he headed upstairs, in search of the rest of his flock.

 

He heard voices in the work-room and stopped by it, peering inside. He groaned at the scene inside.

“What exactly do you three think you’re doing?” he asked, not really wanting to know.

“We’re building a turret!” they declared, almost in the same voice.

“Oh god, not again!” he groaned louder this time, “I already told you kids, no turrets!”

“But what if we need to defend the house?” Symettra asked, in a serious tone.

“We don’t need to defend the house, Satya, we live in a very nice neighborhood,” Jack told her, “Torbjorn, have you been telling her stories again?”

“No, not me! It was Fareeha!” Torbjorn insisted, gleefully dropping his sister into trouble, “She was talking about how Ana fought a bunch of robots that went crazy and-”

“Alright, alright, enough. Breakfast’s ready.” He turned his eyes to the third occupant of the room, “You too, Winston!”

“I’m not really hungry, dad,” Winston said softly, trying hard not to face him. Jack sighed.

“Winston…did you get into the peanut butter again?” he asked softly. Winston bit his lip, still looking away.

“Winstonnnnnnn?”

“He did!” Satya said, chronically unable to let people lie, even by omission, “He had a peanut butter and banana sandwich!”

“Satya! Don’t snitch on me!” Winston roared, looking as if he might cry. Jack tapped the boy lightly on the head.

“It’s alright, son, I’m not mad. Truth is, that’s what I made you for breakfast anyway.”

“It is!?” Winston asked, his eyes wide, “Wow, thanks dad!” He swung around Jack’s leg and knuckled his way down the stairs at a sprint, heading for the kitchen. The other two followed him, more sedately.

“Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…” Jack mumbled to himself, “Ah, sixteen- Mei, what are _you_ wearing!?”

“It’s my coat!” Mei said, the slightly chubby girl waddling down the hall, engulfed by a full parka that she practically drowned in.

“I can see it’s a coat, but why on earth are you wearing it?” Jack asked.

“Because…it might be cold outside?” Mei said, nervously.

“It’s June.”

“…unseasonable snow?”

“Mei, we talked about this…” Jack’s voice was gently reproachful. Mei flushed and shrugged out of the coat.

“They’re gonna make fun of me, I know it!” she said grumpily, folding her arms under her chest.

“They are _not_ going to make fun of you. There’s nothing to make fun _of_!”

“They’ll say I’m fat!”

“You’re not fat, Mei, you’re wonderful, I promise.” Jack insisted. Mei bit her lip and looked away.

“Look, if you stick it out without the coat, I’ll take you ice-skating this weekend, okay?” Jack offered, squeezing her shoulder with his fingertips.

“You will? Really!?” Mei’s face lit up, “Thanks dad! You’re the best!”

“Not even close, kiddo. C’mon, breakfast is ready,” he said as he pushed her towards the stairs.

 

The next, and hopefully last room was the game-room. Predictably it held the last two children he was looking for. He let out a long sigh, which was cut off by the sound of an explosion.

“Hana, Gabriel, what did I tell you about playing video games before school?”

The pair flinched, looking round sharply as they were caught.

“Not…to?” Hana guessed, as if she didn’t know the answer.

“That’s right. So finish up, and-”

He was cut off as Hana’s eyes widened and she turned back to the game.

“Hey, Gabe! Don’t kill me while I’m talking to dad! No fair!” she shrieked. Gabriel laughed, cackling madly.

“DIE! DIE! DIE!” he roared between the laughter, while Hana dropped her controller and started beating down on him with her fists.

“You, you, you-” she broke off into a stream of inventive Korean swearing that made Jack’s eyebrows try and climb his forehead.

“ _Hana Song!”_ he barked, “Where did you learn that kind of language!?”

She went pale and turned to stare at him, as did Gabe.

“Y-You understood…?”

“I was stationed in Korea, missy, and even old soldiers like me shouldn’t use words like that!” Jack growled, “Both of you get downstairs and help Lena clean up! _Then_ you can eat your breakfast.”

Gabriel opened his mouth to argue, saw his dad’s expression, and thought better of it. The two slinked out with their heads bowed.

 

It was two minutes past eight by the time Jack had everyone trooping into the minivan; breakfasts eaten, dishes cleaned, fighting stopped and games finished. The bustling crowd fitted themselves into their favorite seats, or jockeyed for positions closer to their father.

“Hey, quit pushing!”

“Dad! Lucio’s playing his stoopid music!”

“My music isn’t stupid, it’s _revolutionary!_ ”

“Dad! Winston’s eating peanut butter again!

“I nnmmngh, I am not!”

“All of you quiet down, or I’ll Uncle Reinhardt won’t tell you any war stories tonight!” said Jack, hiding his grin. The complaints almost immediately ceased.

“Right then!” he added, “Everyone buckled up?”

The kids let out a chorus on the theme of ‘Yes’.

“Then let’s- ah!” he cut off, winding down the window and leaning out, “Hey honey!”

“Hello dear, just setting off?” Angela asked, looking in through the window and giving the kids a beaming smile.

“Yep,” he said smoothly, as the chorus shifted to a fugue of ‘Hi mom!’

“Well, drive safe!” she said, turning to give Jack a long, lingering kiss on the mouth. Jack growled approvingly, one hand coming up to cup her cheek, drawing her closer.

“Ewwwwwwww!” Tracer groaned, before someone slapped a hand over her mouth. That led to a general riot, as shoves and slaps broke out in a chain reaction of retaliation.

Mercy leaned back, her cheeks pink. Dear god, if they didn’t have jobs to get to she’d drag that man indoors and…

“Well, let’s get you back out there!” she said cheerily, trying to sanitize her thoughts. From the look on Jack’s face, she was failing. From the look in his _eyes,_ so was he.

He grinned boyishly, the motion taking twenty years of his age. Mercy’s heart flipped upside down. She waved to the kids as the minivan pulled out of the driveway, sliding neatly onto the road in the direction of the school.

Only then did he notice the melee taking place in the seats behind him. One hand on the wheel, he turned and pointed, his finger going from child to child.

  
“Hey! Knock it off!”

The fighting stopped as abruptly as it had begun.

 _“I’ve got you in my sights.”_ The words were said with utmost sincerity, and with a firmness that _dared_ one of them to step out of line. That kept them quiet until school, at least.

 

_Really, just like looking after soldiers._

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little crackfic to take the heat off me while I plan out Part Two of Alive! Plus I really love the Dad: 76 meme.
> 
> Views and Kudos are awesome, comments are GREAT! And as always, thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm offering commissions at; Hiroshi_Nakano@hotmail.co.uk  
> And if you want to buy me ramen, you can at https://digitaltipjar.com/SatsunonSavior/


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